motherhood can be lonely
it's not all coffee dates and catch-ups
Dear new mum,
When I scroll through instagram and see mum friends out for coffee and dressed up for dinner, I think about how hard it must be for lots of women to see that. Perhaps that’s pessimistic of me but I also know that motherhood can be lonely. In fact, some research suggests that up to 90 percent of new mothers experience some level of loneliness.
Instagram didn’t exist when my firstborn was little so I didn’t slip into social media comparison mode in my first years of motherhood. I am deeply grateful for this now because while I have so many precious memories of that time, I also remember feeling desperately alone.
Yes, I had a supportive partner who was always home by the early afternoon and my family was right there when I needed them. But I had just turned 23, everyone my age was establishing their career and I was still figuring out who I was beneath and beyond the mother I was becoming.
It was confusing and beautiful and disconcerting - often all at once.
Truth is, I know I wouldn’t have coped very well with the reminders of what motherhood ‘could’ look like. And yes, we’re told to reach out for help and reach our for connection but that’s really hard if you’re established friends don’t also have babies. Making new friends in early motherhood is a little like making friends in the first years of high school; everyone can seem a bit awkward at first and it can take you time (and many conversations) to find someone you connect with.
Mothers’ groups exist but in my experience, they aren’t always positive influences. It seems there’s always someone who will declare to a room of sleep-deprived mums:
My baby only wakes once at night and then sleeps right through to 8am!
No new mother needs to hear that, even if it is true.