reassurance is emotional steadiness
it's what all new mothers need
Dear new mum,
I’m still very much on my summer break which involves lots of reading on the beach while my four children fight over an inflatable boat in the water.
Do you hate me for writing that sentence? If so, I totally understand.
The warm weather has only just arrived in my little corner of Tasmania which is why we’re heading to the sea at every opportunity. When a mum was standing on the shore a few days ago, a baby on her hip and a sandy toddler at her feet, I asked her if she wanted me to watch them for a few moments so she could dive under the water and into the silence. Wash away the day. Float for a bit.
She thanked me, explained that she’d forgotten her towel and I smiled and walked away. I wasn’t surprised that she declined my offer, but I felt a duty to ask. There was probably a part of her that wanted more than anything to swim but a resistance in the form of: you don’t ever hand your baby over to a stranger.
It was a small example of why we need to have more conversations about postpartum and about what mothers need - not so much shouty advice, more reassurance in the form of positive words, practical support and helping hands.
I’m interrupting my scheduled break because I have an opinion piece in the Guardian today, inspired by my research over the past few years and my personal experience of early motherhood.
Back then I believed that “mum knows best” and I presumed that the maternal instinct would switch on at birth. What relatively new research tells us is that the maternal brain circuitry establisheed in pregnancy primes the new mother for learning in parenthood. We’re not supposed to know what we’re doing! This is incredibly reassuring data because we all understand what learning involves: questioning, uncertainty, observation, experience and, most importantly, time.
I can’t expect the conversation to pick up momentum unless I’m contributing.
Please read it and share it with your friends.
If you can, dive under the water this week. It’s literally medicine.
Till next time, take care x
Beautiful article Jodi. Thank you for writing it. I’m a first time mom and your words really resonate with me, especially the uncertainty and doubt. It helps to know it’s normal to be figuring this out and learning my baby 🩷
A really insightful read and I enjoyed your opinion piece. I am 4 months post partum and clutch to your words about motherhood and post partum to try and work out how and why I am feeling the way I am! Thankfully, it seems it’s completely normal. My biggest frustration, is exactly what you wrote, NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THIS! So I was to do my best to continue to talk about my struggles and shed light on my thoughts and feelings in hope that someone else I’m chatting to might resonate and be able to feel a sense of normality and reassurance! I look forward to sharing this opinion piece and also diving under the water xx